Little Hawk and I spent the month of December in Texas with his family, trying to rest up our stressed and bruised psyches. I truly enjoyed his wonderful, open, and loving family, and am looking forward to seeing them again at Thanksgiving. However, when we returned home, all of our problems and stress returned in an avalanche of uncertainty.
We don't have very much money. Little Hawk's disability makes just enough to cover our rent, utilities and his health insurance, which just got raised another hundred dollars. Since I am a full-time student, I only make about $700 a month, which isn't quite enough for all of our other bills, groceries, car payment, ect. Every month, we have to find something to cut, and every month, extra bills pop up. For example, last month Little Hawk got a new wheelchair, and our co-pay was over $300. This month and next month, Little Hawk's disability will be temporarily reduced by $200, and we have several extra doctor's appointments, with copays.
We have only been home two days, and are already trying to decide what to sell so that he can go to Urology and get the mass in his kidney scanned. Yep, he has what I think could potentially be kidney cancer, and we can't afford the $25 or so to get it looked at.
Understandably, this is a strain on our emotional health. Little Hawk fell and hit his head yesterday, (he's fine, don't worry) and when we were in the ER getting it checked, the doctor started asking if he or I were seeing a counselor or a psychologist for the stress. As I explained the situation to him, the reality started to sink in and I broke down.
I feel like we are in a vicious spiral that we can't escape. I feel like should quit going to school and get more hours at work to pay the bills, but Little Hawk won't stand for it. Plus, if I don't graduate, I will never earn more than I am now and we will never escape. I cook from scratch most of our food to save money, but that takes away time from studying and keeping the house up, which I feel is my responsibility. Little Hawk is slowly selling off his collectible books and silver in order to pay the bills, but our electricity is two months late and we are almost out of valuables.
However, even in these dark times, I always have to remember how lucky we are. Yes, we have a car payment. However, we also have a car, a good, safe, dependable car that won't need any fixing for years yet and we can trust. Yes, we have rent, but for a nice, big duplex that we can keep pets in, it's unbelievably cheap and our landlord is very kind. Yes, Little Hawk's insurance is astronomical, but at least he HAS insurance. We have wonderful friends, who, although as poor as we are, support us emotionally and help keep our spirits up. In this economy, I'm grateful to have a job, let alone one that pays above minimum wage. We have food to eat, and, as long as they don't turn the power off, a warm place to sleep. We love each other, and that counts for a lot too.
Hopefully, my Etsy store business will pick up. I am going to be selling lots more handicrafts, like my ceramics, knitted items like socks, and beadwork. I will also be trying to sell baked goods here in town. Foccacia, anyone?
No comments:
Post a Comment