Monday, August 8, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Jammy Goodness
I went shopping with my best friend yesterday, and somewhere between looking at work gloves for her stepfather and picking out spray paint for my fake-y shake-y wood end table, we decided to have a strawberry jam cook-off, my pectin brand vs hers. I'm using Sure-Jell and my grandmother' secret family recipe. (which, when I asked my grandmother what it was, turned out to be the recipe on the Sure-Jell box. Hmm.)
I fully expect both batches to be delicious. I finished mine last night in an hour, and now have 11 half-pints of cooled jam on my counter. The only awkward part was the water bath, because I made a little too much for the eight-jar recipe and my biggest pot only holds eight jars.
I fully expect both batches to be delicious. I finished mine last night in an hour, and now have 11 half-pints of cooled jam on my counter. The only awkward part was the water bath, because I made a little too much for the eight-jar recipe and my biggest pot only holds eight jars.
Monday, August 1, 2011
SOCK SUMMIT BABY YEAH!
I managed to make it to one day of this year's Sock summit , and it was absolutely amazing.
The plan was this. Little Hawk would drop me off at the Portland Convention Center, I would spend the day squishing yarn and meeting my online friends, that evening I would go to a party and meet local members of a Ravelry group I am a part of, then he would come grab me and we would go home the next morning.
Well, the best laid plans and all that....Little Hawk wasn't up to driving, so I dropped him off at his brother's, (heretoafter to be called the House Of Irish) and borrowed his brother's GPS to help prevent me from having a panic attack and ensuing aneurysm.
I still got lost, which is remarkable considering that it was freeway all the way and only a half hour from House of Irish to the convention center. I only really had trouble when I exited the freeway, less than a block from the convention center, and kept panicking and turning left instead of right. The poor GPS kept saying..."recalculating route, please make a U turn," with increasing levels of irritation.
I did make it eventually, made sure to park in an ALL DAY lot, then slogged two blocks in the hot, hot, hot sun to the convention center....to discover I had left my wallet in the car. Back I go, and then the money I had been saving in my Paypal account just for this hadn't transferred yet. So I call Little Hawk and he transferred some money over for me.
Remember, I was on a VERY tight budget. I had promised to buy some stash yarn from a friend there, OhCamels, and we were supposed to do the hand-off that day. I had her 40 dollars, and fifteen of my own to spend. I had more, but I had to husband it against parking fees and dinner with my friends. When I finally met up with her, (after wandering the marketplace and being reduced to near tears by the wondrous sights,) we had a bit of a misunderstanding. She said that she hadn't brought the yarn to her booth, and I could pay her later. I thought she hadn't brought it AT ALL and that I could now spend $55 instead of $15.
Somehow she convinced me to buy three skeins of AMAZING sock yarn for a mystery shawl knit-along that our group is doing. I'm not sure how that happened, but I'm still petting the yarn and cooing over it. Beware, all of you. Abstract Fiber is not only amazingly soft and beautiful, but everyone who works there is a highly skilled Yarn Enabler. You will buy ALL THE THINGS.
Afterwards, she draped me in one of her loveliest shawls and sent me off to wander with some more awesome ladies, Kellbelle and Mykind. There was much yarn squishing, and I was introduced to the concept of "pet" yarn. This is yarn that one will never knit, perhaps because it is in a color that doesn't flatter you, or because knitting mohair is something you abhor, but yarn that you must own anyway. Yarn as a pet. I am behind this idea 100%.
When the promised $40 yarn showed up that evening, though, I had some 'splaining to do. Luckily OhCamels is awesome and nonjudgmental about my skills of comprehension.
I met so many of the wonderful people I know online. I squeaked and flailed at the poor Yarn Harlot until she relented and signed my sketchbook. OhCamels was beautiful and vibrant and somehow talked me into buying half the yarn at her stall. AdamAntonym was charming and dapper and delectably handsome. Didisaurus showed up to the meet-up of my Ravelry group in a dinosaur costume, and Gonzopants, after being kidnapped by pirates, brought one of them to the party with her. He was very charming and a good sport about being flirted with and groped by a group of tipsy knitters. The party, though, didn't really get started until wheniripyouopen showed up with AN ENTIRE SUITCASE OF WOLLMEISE and started selling it, right there in the bar. AND I WAS OUT OF MONEY.
My only regret, besides not having any money, was forgetting my camera. I had to beg a friend to snap me and our weasel mascot with her iphone and email me the picture. Here you are.
In other news, Miss Manners chides an irked lady for thinking that knitting at a recital means you aren't paying attention.
The plan was this. Little Hawk would drop me off at the Portland Convention Center, I would spend the day squishing yarn and meeting my online friends, that evening I would go to a party and meet local members of a Ravelry group I am a part of, then he would come grab me and we would go home the next morning.
Well, the best laid plans and all that....Little Hawk wasn't up to driving, so I dropped him off at his brother's, (heretoafter to be called the House Of Irish) and borrowed his brother's GPS to help prevent me from having a panic attack and ensuing aneurysm.
I still got lost, which is remarkable considering that it was freeway all the way and only a half hour from House of Irish to the convention center. I only really had trouble when I exited the freeway, less than a block from the convention center, and kept panicking and turning left instead of right. The poor GPS kept saying..."recalculating route, please make a U turn," with increasing levels of irritation.
I did make it eventually, made sure to park in an ALL DAY lot, then slogged two blocks in the hot, hot, hot sun to the convention center....to discover I had left my wallet in the car. Back I go, and then the money I had been saving in my Paypal account just for this hadn't transferred yet. So I call Little Hawk and he transferred some money over for me.
Remember, I was on a VERY tight budget. I had promised to buy some stash yarn from a friend there, OhCamels, and we were supposed to do the hand-off that day. I had her 40 dollars, and fifteen of my own to spend. I had more, but I had to husband it against parking fees and dinner with my friends. When I finally met up with her, (after wandering the marketplace and being reduced to near tears by the wondrous sights,) we had a bit of a misunderstanding. She said that she hadn't brought the yarn to her booth, and I could pay her later. I thought she hadn't brought it AT ALL and that I could now spend $55 instead of $15.
Somehow she convinced me to buy three skeins of AMAZING sock yarn for a mystery shawl knit-along that our group is doing. I'm not sure how that happened, but I'm still petting the yarn and cooing over it. Beware, all of you. Abstract Fiber is not only amazingly soft and beautiful, but everyone who works there is a highly skilled Yarn Enabler. You will buy ALL THE THINGS.
Afterwards, she draped me in one of her loveliest shawls and sent me off to wander with some more awesome ladies, Kellbelle and Mykind. There was much yarn squishing, and I was introduced to the concept of "pet" yarn. This is yarn that one will never knit, perhaps because it is in a color that doesn't flatter you, or because knitting mohair is something you abhor, but yarn that you must own anyway. Yarn as a pet. I am behind this idea 100%.
When the promised $40 yarn showed up that evening, though, I had some 'splaining to do. Luckily OhCamels is awesome and nonjudgmental about my skills of comprehension.
I met so many of the wonderful people I know online. I squeaked and flailed at the poor Yarn Harlot until she relented and signed my sketchbook. OhCamels was beautiful and vibrant and somehow talked me into buying half the yarn at her stall. AdamAntonym was charming and dapper and delectably handsome. Didisaurus showed up to the meet-up of my Ravelry group in a dinosaur costume, and Gonzopants, after being kidnapped by pirates, brought one of them to the party with her. He was very charming and a good sport about being flirted with and groped by a group of tipsy knitters. The party, though, didn't really get started until wheniripyouopen showed up with AN ENTIRE SUITCASE OF WOLLMEISE and started selling it, right there in the bar. AND I WAS OUT OF MONEY.
My only regret, besides not having any money, was forgetting my camera. I had to beg a friend to snap me and our weasel mascot with her iphone and email me the picture. Here you are.
Please to enjoy my hickey and double chin. *sigh*
In other news, Miss Manners chides an irked lady for thinking that knitting at a recital means you aren't paying attention.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Canada
I've been seriously thinking about moving to Canada lately, and not just because I think the Yarn Harlot and I were separated at birth or something. Hello, coffee and knitting? Yeah.
Canada doesn't want us, so nobody panic or anything, but it would still be nice. Why do I think we'd be happy in Canada?
Well, obviously the healthcare thing is awesome. I've been without insurance for so long, I can't remember what it's like to go to the dentist.
Also, Canada is COLD. Not all the time, but when it does get cold, it's pretty serious about it. This means that my kitting will be so much more appreciated. Not only that, but my purchases of yarn go from "annoying and excessive" in the eyes of the general non-knitting public, to "essential for life."
Canada doesn't want us, so nobody panic or anything, but it would still be nice. Why do I think we'd be happy in Canada?
Well, obviously the healthcare thing is awesome. I've been without insurance for so long, I can't remember what it's like to go to the dentist.
Also, Canada is COLD. Not all the time, but when it does get cold, it's pretty serious about it. This means that my kitting will be so much more appreciated. Not only that, but my purchases of yarn go from "annoying and excessive" in the eyes of the general non-knitting public, to "essential for life."
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Scared and Uncertain
Little Hawk is getting worse.
When I first met him, four years ago this fall, he had occasional spasms in his legs. Over that fall and winter they got worse and involved his whole legs up to the hips. Then they started involving his arms that summer. The winter and the spring of our marriage, his whole body would thrash uncontrollably during an attack. This winter, during severe attacks, his diaphragm would freeze up and he wouldn't be able to breathe during contractions.
Now his lungs are spasming and he is aspirating saliva and sometimes vomit during the really bad attacks. It was bad enough watching him spasm.
It was bad enough having to pin him down so he wouldn't punch himself or claw his face when he was spasming. It was bad enough when he was screaming in pain and I was unable to help him. But now, when he is spasming, thrashing around, coughing and gagging and gasping and turning purple, vomiting or coughing up white or yellow foam- I can't help him, other than wiping his face with a towel, holding him on his side so he doesn't aspirate, trying to coach him to stop hyperventilating.
I feel like he is dying by inches and there is nothing I can do. I'm so afraid that he is going to get worse and worse or that he's going to do this while I'm at the grocery store and die while I'm squishing avacados and deciding on bread. Every time I leave the house I'm afraid. When I'm in bed and he gets up to go to the bathroom, I'm afraid. If he's napping and I can't hear him snoring, I have to go in and check on him every few minutes to allay my fear. I wake up every half hour at night to check on him. I don't do it on purpose, I just can't sleep for worry.
What happens when I snap? So far I've been remarkably resilient. I have a phobia of spit and phlegm. When teenage boys spit on the sidewalk I twitch and make a detour. However, I've managed to hold him while he vomits and coughs foam all over my shirt, arms, and even my face. I've managed to get up and do whatever needs to be done, even if I haven't slept in three days and I want to curl up in the corner and rock and cry and hold myself. But what if tomorrow I can't?
I think that's what I'm afraid of the most. Little Hawk depends on me to be his rock. He's said so before, many times. I can't give myself the luxury of having a mental breakdown, because he needs me.
On the other hand, it's nice to be needed, eh?
I work hard to try and keep our spirits up. I give myself time to cry. I do a LOT of knitting, especially knitting things for people I love. I cuddle with Little Hawk, or with my kitten, who has taken it upon herself to comfort me by gluing herself to my lap. I putter around in my garden. I listen to audiobooks.
If I could just be certain that Little Hawk was going to be ok, I could cope. I love him so very, very much, and seeing him go through this pain is what hurts me the most. He doesn't deserve any of this, He's the kindest, sweetest, most thoughtful man I've ever met. Honestly, it's a privilege to take care of him. He's that amazing. That's why watching him suffer hurts so much.
When I first met him, four years ago this fall, he had occasional spasms in his legs. Over that fall and winter they got worse and involved his whole legs up to the hips. Then they started involving his arms that summer. The winter and the spring of our marriage, his whole body would thrash uncontrollably during an attack. This winter, during severe attacks, his diaphragm would freeze up and he wouldn't be able to breathe during contractions.
Now his lungs are spasming and he is aspirating saliva and sometimes vomit during the really bad attacks. It was bad enough watching him spasm.
It was bad enough having to pin him down so he wouldn't punch himself or claw his face when he was spasming. It was bad enough when he was screaming in pain and I was unable to help him. But now, when he is spasming, thrashing around, coughing and gagging and gasping and turning purple, vomiting or coughing up white or yellow foam- I can't help him, other than wiping his face with a towel, holding him on his side so he doesn't aspirate, trying to coach him to stop hyperventilating.
I feel like he is dying by inches and there is nothing I can do. I'm so afraid that he is going to get worse and worse or that he's going to do this while I'm at the grocery store and die while I'm squishing avacados and deciding on bread. Every time I leave the house I'm afraid. When I'm in bed and he gets up to go to the bathroom, I'm afraid. If he's napping and I can't hear him snoring, I have to go in and check on him every few minutes to allay my fear. I wake up every half hour at night to check on him. I don't do it on purpose, I just can't sleep for worry.
What happens when I snap? So far I've been remarkably resilient. I have a phobia of spit and phlegm. When teenage boys spit on the sidewalk I twitch and make a detour. However, I've managed to hold him while he vomits and coughs foam all over my shirt, arms, and even my face. I've managed to get up and do whatever needs to be done, even if I haven't slept in three days and I want to curl up in the corner and rock and cry and hold myself. But what if tomorrow I can't?
I think that's what I'm afraid of the most. Little Hawk depends on me to be his rock. He's said so before, many times. I can't give myself the luxury of having a mental breakdown, because he needs me.
On the other hand, it's nice to be needed, eh?
I work hard to try and keep our spirits up. I give myself time to cry. I do a LOT of knitting, especially knitting things for people I love. I cuddle with Little Hawk, or with my kitten, who has taken it upon herself to comfort me by gluing herself to my lap. I putter around in my garden. I listen to audiobooks.
If I could just be certain that Little Hawk was going to be ok, I could cope. I love him so very, very much, and seeing him go through this pain is what hurts me the most. He doesn't deserve any of this, He's the kindest, sweetest, most thoughtful man I've ever met. Honestly, it's a privilege to take care of him. He's that amazing. That's why watching him suffer hurts so much.
Friday, July 8, 2011
I Have Awesome Pants
About a week ago, Kitten gave me a pair of really awesome plaid pants. They weren't terribly blinding, a nice beige and red combo, and it even look like they fit. (I've been comfort eating. Don't look at me like that.)
Anyway, I decided to wear them yesterday, since the respite nurse was coming over and I was going to Knit Night. Anyway, I put on the pants, a relatively nice shirt, and my sunglasses, drove to pick up Kitten- and as I stepped out of the car, I was suddenly awash with absolute sureness in the fact that I was Cool.
I was Super Cool and Awesome and I could feel the adoring glances of everyone in Safeway. I refused to let my slightly ragged cardigan with the hole in the elbow taint my glow of Cool.
I basked in my coolness for the rest of the afternoon, and it was very fun, especially when I got a free smoothie sample at Starbucks and one of the ladies at Knit Night brought cookies. It was a really, really nice day, and I'm going to do my best to cultivate that happiness for a few days more.
Anyway, I decided to wear them yesterday, since the respite nurse was coming over and I was going to Knit Night. Anyway, I put on the pants, a relatively nice shirt, and my sunglasses, drove to pick up Kitten- and as I stepped out of the car, I was suddenly awash with absolute sureness in the fact that I was Cool.
I was Super Cool and Awesome and I could feel the adoring glances of everyone in Safeway. I refused to let my slightly ragged cardigan with the hole in the elbow taint my glow of Cool.
I basked in my coolness for the rest of the afternoon, and it was very fun, especially when I got a free smoothie sample at Starbucks and one of the ladies at Knit Night brought cookies. It was a really, really nice day, and I'm going to do my best to cultivate that happiness for a few days more.
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